abode acrobat . net

Some people - although surprisingly few - have expressed their disappointment that there have been only a small number of bulletins from my time in Australia. Well, let’s be clear, you don’t go to Australia on holiday per se; instead you travel in the capacity of emissary to the Queen. I’ve really just been checking up on the far corners of her Commonwealth, making sure no-one’s about to vote for severing ties in a referendum, and correcting a few mispronunciations that have crept into the local dialect over the last couple of centuries (not that I’d know any better, really). And with any time left over, I’ll cast a glance at the opera house or harbour bridge.

I am sorry to report only limited success on taming the natives, although I have had better results in reversing the corruption of third parties. For example, Herman the German, who spent a year working in Brisbane, will no longer greet you with an irritating “g’day mate”, instead politely shaking your hand while asking “how do you do?”. It seems the Europeans are far more amenable to change, and I will suggest to Her Majesty that we push abroad closer to home, perhaps establishing some form of empire from there.

The fun bus took me from Adelaide, through Melbourne, then on to Sydney. On the way, we passed through various national parks, and drove along the Great Ocean Road. The Grampians, so-named because ‘Grampians’ means ‘mountains’ in Scottish, provided some pleasant walks with interesting scenery. We even managed some cross-country skiing on the Snowy Mountains, so-called because… well, you really don’t need my help with all this.